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Diary of the Heart

30th October 1995

I am a woman in love
in love with herself
her life
and with every moment
of every day.

Because I can see the Divine being that you are
I can see reflected back
the Divine being that I am.

I want to spend time with you
talking, opening, sharing, laughing, crying
making love, dancing, walking

I want to look into your eyes and bathe in your magnificence.

I want to hear you sing, act, chant, laugh and play.
I want to be your Queen and for you to be my King.

I want to honour your body.
I want to caress every inch of it.
I want to suck your toes, your fingers, your earlobes, your lingam.
I want to lick and kiss your back, your forearms,
your nipples, your stomach and behind your knees.

I want to breathe your breath.
I want to feel your energy.
I want to explode into the cosmos with you.
I want to fly and dance with you out there.
You are me and I am you
and we are one.

4th November 1995

For the first time in my life
I don't want to be anywhere else,
doing anything else,
being anything else.

It's not "over there" anymore
I'm here.

8th December 1995

Conversation flows
like old dear friends.
We have done this before
and now we meet again.

To help each other along the way.
To open our hearts.
To receive and allow the energy to expand, enveloping those around us.

Our bodies melt. your touch excites
hidden depths
of love and passion

We meet as King and Queen
man and woman
learning to love ourselves
more and more

15th December 1995

My heart says fly
but my mind is scared,
it was safe, it was comfortable, it was known.
There is only me and the energy I feel
guiding me on
to greater depths
of love, joy
and the expression of my truth.

17th December 1995

You're just not willing
to hear
the wisdom of woman.

You say you are open.
Open to learn, explore
and question
but these are only words.

Your arrogance is immense.

You play the role of teacher and guru.
So blind to receive.
You demand that I withhold,
give in and compromise myself.

I cannot and will not do that.

22nd December 1995

Opening, softening, trusting
his heart
allowing, receiving and being.

24th December 1995

There are moments
only a few,
when you've let me see a part of you.
The real part, saved, hidden away, sacred,
only to be brought out on special occasions
like your semen.

27th December 1995

Your energy is strong, your power contained.
Yes, you are a teacher, a gift to the world.
Your music, your smile, your laughter express all there is to hear and see.
The only thing we need to do
is open and receive your awesome essence.

31st December 1995

Has he the courage to go beyond
what he has known before?

The power, the control -
the father.

Is he willing to let go of the boy?
To become the King that he is.
The gift that he is?

Nothing to do, nothing to plan.
Just a step into the centre
and be.

7th January 1996

Sometimes I feel you,
I feel your being
uncovered, open and glorious.

Other times, I don't know you.
A stranger, so distant,
so cool and detached.

Do you see me? Can you hear me?
I love you, like no other before
and I hate you - seeing myself
so clearly, the shadow, the ugliness, the swamp.

Pure mirror.
Where is your mirror?

10th January 1996

People say one can love two
With only one heart?

Your heart is with her
not with me.
I deserve to be loved
wholly and completely.

Why did we play out this drama?
For me to leave him?
For you to leave her?
Only to realise the value of what we had?
Surely not, not for me anyway.

Our kingdom has fallen.
The flowers have died.
The beach stretches out.
The wind blows strong.
Goodbye my beloved.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

11th January 1996

Why do you run?
Why do you hide?
Is it so hard to step into you?

I want to give this a chance
to leap into the void.
To be here now, with all that we feel,
honouring the energy that brought us together.
You are right - we signed a contract.
Is this where it ends?

Pesto, wine, joints and candles.
We came so close.
Meeting each other in truth and love.

12th January 1996

I opened my heart
and found a garden there
with birds and flowers and trees.
The sunlight shone
warm and inviting.

The colours so bright, so clear
radiating life and feeding my soul.

There I stood
naked, raw and exposed.
A goddess, a maiden, a queen.

Come be with me
Come feel with me
Come see with me

Let's play amongst the fairies
and laugh and cry and dance.
The dance of life,
for this is what we came for.
Let's show it's safe and real
to fly with the butterfly
and honour the spirit within.

14th January 1996

For a few moments
we were as one.
In the centre of ourselves.

But really being there,
really feeling there
can hurt.
For only then do we see
our own divinity.
We go home
and realise that to stay in this place
means giving up what we've always known
and hung onto.

It shatters our illusion of who we think we are.

What would happen if we could exist in this space?
How the world would be a different place.


I feel enriched
I feel more joy
more love
more pain
more sadness
than every before

Thank you
I love you with all my heart and soul.


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