Offering to Kali
This story is of a past life recall
that has answered many questions in my battle with endometreosis. I
have fought this disease since I was very young, (around 14) and
finally, with the remergence of a tribal past life I understand.
Thank You.
"It was the sound of tribal drumming
that took me there: a place in my memory long since visited. My
golden hair became the shade of midnight, my skin a deeper bronze, I
danced with my family in a circle. During the dance, I was blessed
with the vision of bearing gifts to my people through my womb. I was
elated. The memories progressed like flashes on a screen before me.
My swollen womb contracting in pain. The slurred voices of my elders
around me chanting, "Kali, Kali". This is my name, my conscious mind
assumed, I am Kali, I am giving birth. The body remembered its
writhing in pain. It fell to the ground. It pushed forth, screaming.
Sweating. An infant girl pulled from my womb was strung above my
raised feet. Umbilical cord dangling, fresh with the dew of her
placenta, her crying eyes struck a chord with my own. My daughter.
Fear rushed over the memory. "Turn it
off" my conscious mind warned. Close the picture now. Curiosity
recalled anyway. The tribe, my people, they danced, they sang, they
placed my baby in their fire.
And not until this most recent lifetime
of dreadful infertility at the spring of my womanhood, did I consider
that Kali was not my name, but my deity. As I lay in stirrups, belly
cut open, She holds me still. I worshipped Her, I loved Her, I gave
my child for Her honor. And it killed the breath, the life-force
within me that said "you are mother, you shall conceive and give
birth to new life". My body holds these memories still, defending
itself from the dark Kali by creating the disease of endometriosis.
To face each coming menses with the dread of war. And so I have done.
Now Kali, I must honor you, for your
powerful role in this and other lifetimes I have survived. Now, Kali
I beseech thee: Hear my prayer. Release me from your bondage.
Bless me with
your maternity. Maim this silent invader
of my body that I may once again give birth to the daughter I gave to you, and in this lifetime, may
she remain my own."
An update: I am twenty three and
this past November had to have a complete hysterectomy due to the
severity of the disease. (I was bedridden, to say the least). Anyway,
what I learned is that in setting out to heal myself I had never
considered that the healing may mean the release of the diseased
organs-- what a revelation when that one hit me!
I am happy to receive email in regards to my experience and the therapeutic connection
I now seek with the goddess Kali.
Light,
Kristina
Kristina is a freelance writer for
Eye on the Web.
See also "What Is
Endometriosis?" by Karen
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