Offering to Kali
This story is of a past life recall that has answered
many questions in my battle with endometreosis. I have fought
this disease since I was very young, (around 14) and finally,
with the remergence of a tribal past life I understand. Thank
You.
"It was the sound of tribal drumming that took
me there: a place in my memory long since visited. My golden hair
became the shade of midnight, my skin a deeper bronze, I danced
with my family in a circle. During the dance, I was blessed with
the vision of bearing gifts to my people through my womb. I was
elated. The memories progressed like flashes on a screen before
me. My swollen womb contracting in pain. The slurred voices of
my elders around me chanting, "Kali, Kali". This is my name, my
conscious mind assumed, I am Kali, I am giving birth. The body
remembered its writhing in pain. It fell to the ground. It pushed
forth, screaming. Sweating. An infant girl pulled from my womb
was strung above my raised feet. Umbilical cord dangling, fresh
with the dew of her placenta, her crying eyes struck a chord with
my own. My daughter.
Fear rushed over the memory. "Turn it off" my conscious mind
warned. Close the picture now. Curiosity recalled anyway. The
tribe, my people, they danced, they sang, they placed my baby
in their fire.
And not until this most recent lifetime of dreadful infertility
at the spring of my womanhood, did I consider that Kali
was not my name, but my deity. As I lay in stirrups, belly cut
open, She holds me still. I worshipped Her, I loved Her, I gave
my child for Her honor. And it killed the breath, the life-force
within me that said "you are mother, you shall conceive and give
birth to new life". My body holds these memories still, defending
itself from the dark Kali by creating the disease of endometriosis.
To face each coming menses with the dread of war. And so I have
done.
Now Kali, I must honor you, for your powerful role in this
and other lifetimes I have survived. Now, Kali I beseech thee:
Hear my prayer. Release me from your bondage. Bless
me with your maternity. Maim this silent invader of my body
that I may once again give birth
to the daughter I gave to you, and in this lifetime, may she remain
my own."
An update: I am twenty three and this past November
had to have a complete hysterectomy due to the severity of the
disease. (I was bedridden, to say the least). Anyway, what I
learned is that in setting out to heal myself I had never considered
that the healing may mean the release of the diseased organs--
what a revelation when that one hit me!
I am happy to receive email
in regards to my experience and the therapeutic connection I now
seek with the goddess Kali.
Light,
Kristina is a freelance writer for Eye on the Web.
yOni now blogging at cliterallyspeaking.blogspot.com
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